Friday, September 12, 2008

Moving...and a few other ways I decided to screw up my life

So, I decided to change my life. Little did I know how completely I was going to end up doing exactly that.

Two months ago I was a successful middle manager in retail, making good money with a roof over my head, a dog at my feet a decent car in the driveway and absolutely no time to take advantage of anything. All I did was work, walk the dog, eat and sleep. I had been thinking for the last half year or so that maybe it was time to move closer to family. I had stopped taking advantage of the big city that I professed to love. I had become so isolated with my job that my friendships were already playing out like they were long distance. Mainly Facebook updates and messages with the odd phone call thrown in so I could remember what they sounded like.

I had gone so far as to decide where I would be willing to live, how big it would need to be for me not to feel suffocated and yet close enough to family to make the move worthwhile. Since I professed that being closer to family was the reason for this drastic change it did mean I would have to go much smaller than I truly wanted. It so happened that I already had a member of my family living in this city (totally a fluke...why would I choose to move to a place where I could take advantage of the bonds of family?) and that would give me a certain built in support network. Which became very important in the long run, but I'll get to that later.

With this decision made I was left to decide on when. Those who know me well will tell you that when it comes to making personal decisions involving change I could seriously challenge for a gold medal in the procrastinators Olympics. Truly I think if left to my own devices I would still be in the big city years from now blathering on about how I'm going to year. I allowed this decision to be taken out of my hands by agreeing with a friend of mine that THIS year was the time to move and as she was intending to go to the same place as I was it only made sense that we would do the move together. We set a plan that we would be in our new city by no later than October and I settled in to ignore the decision as it brought about a horrible sense of foreboding whenever I caught myself thinking about it.

Then June came and she had the opportunity to transfer to our chosen city with her company. They offered to pay a flat fee for the move and that was that. She said yes. I managed to convince myself that it made complete sense to move with her, taking advantage of having the majority of the move being paid for. In my most optimistic moments I figured how hard could it be. Sure I didn't have a job yet but I could stay with family until I did have one. If it was at all like where I was moving away from I would have my choice of offers. I allowed everyone and my own self to convince me that it would all be okay.

I was wrong...or is it I was right. At least the doom and gloom part of me was right. Here I sit 2 months after an excruciating move (that will probably end up being a post of its own one day) unemployed, dead broke and taking advantage of family. I have a dog at my feet, a decent car parked on the street and nothing but time to worry about what I've done.

Deciding to change my life has been...interesting.


Lord Voldemort said...

Hi there,

It takes a lot of guts to take a decision and more than that to take a risk.

As long as you are able to do both, you should not mind... there will be tough times but you will sail through... as long as your faith in yourself is true.

All the best.

Lord Voldemort 2

P.S: By the way, apologies for intrusion - I hope you did not mind it.

J.S. said...

I wrote a public blog entry so no intrusion on your part at all. :o)

Thanks for your thoughts and good wishes. Hopefully this time next week I shall be doing happy dances cause it's all starting to work out.

Culinary Cory said...

I was a top marketing manager for a large firm in Chicago. My office was on the 39th floor overlooking Lake Michigan and I worked for a pretty powerful CMO. Then one day they told me the marketing budget was cut and so was I. It sucked and had to take it as a sign for change. So like you, I moved to a new city for a change and it's been challenging.

I feel for you. I say...keep doing what you love and keep playing with that cute dog. Because it all works out over time.

J.S. said...

Lord I hope so. Because it hasn't so far. (sigh)

I've had the whole redundancy thing happen to me too. It sparked my last career change. Maybe this change will spark a career I like better.

I thank all the little green gods for that dog everyday. Funnily enough he keeps me grounded and reminds me whats really important. (him LOL)

Matt said...

I admire your decision to move. I would love to move somewhere, preferably a "big bity" like the one you just escaped from, but alas, my family is near, I am fortunate to have a steady job, and the idea of finding something new terrifies me (although I love taking risks in life).

I truly hope things pick up for you!

Matt said...

Oops. I meant "big city" not "big bity"!

Matt said...

Sorry for the constant comments, but I saw on your profile that you love The Philadelphia Story. Movies like that are the ones I always turn to when I'm in need of comfort. Holiday with Hepburn and Cary Grant is one of my particular comfort films that I instinctively turn to when I feel that my life isn't going in the direction I want it to.

Make yourself some healthy, nourishing comfort food, watch Philadelphia Story or Holiday, and remind yourself that this is just a season in your life. It will get better!

I'm glad you left a comment on my blog, I've bookmarked yours and will be reading it often!